Safar ( Suffer !! )

Long distance travel by road can be a fun and great time to bond ,when travelling with friends. There are movies made on that. But no one has ever made a movie on a what happens when husband and wife travel long distance in a car. The best part of the travel for the wife and the worst part for the husband is there is no getting away from each other. It is like being in the shoes of Dr Sobel/Billy Crystal when he had no choice except to tag along with Mr Vitti aka Robert De Niro( Remember Analyze this and Analyze that!!).


To clarify it further here is my story. Among the countless trip we have made, our latest trip was to Lake Tahoe. She was going for a conference and I was accompanying as her driver/companion/husband. Makes me think why there are no conferences in these first class resorts for engineers. Imagine what would happen. All the employees would be sitting in a conference room coding or net surfing while the boss will be working from the hotel room aka playing golf on the lush green golf course which is also visible from the conference room. Anyways back to our trip. The trip got started with stoppage at the gas station for some quality one-on-one time between the gas tank and the pump. I took out my credit card to swipe. Swipe the card- did not went through. Swipe again-card did not go through-error. Swipe again - error- did not go through. Something must be wrong with the machine, I thought. This happens to me but not 3 times in a row. While I was deciphering the reason and my next move, I got honked not from the guy behind me but from my wife inside the car as her patience was running out. She was sitting with no AC in the car as the engine was not running. I decided it was not me but something was wrong with the pump and drove to the next one. "Something is wrong with the machine" , I reasoned with her.
 I had just parked the car again when someone pulled to the gas pump which had given me a hard time and swiped card in one swift motion and stating filling his car. Even from inside the car with the glasses up I could feel her piercing look saying to me "What is wrong with you? Why can't you do things without delay ?"

 So our journey got started with 15 min delay which was all because of me. Nothing new in that. Two minute of cold stare later things came to normal. The navigation system was on. The navigation lady ( I treat all women with respect,visible or invisible) had started giving direction. Once on the freeway, the navigation lady decided to take a break but then this other lady with me(sitting next to me )started with the instructions. . "I think you should slow now,there is traffic slowing in front. "Why don't you come on the left lane, this one is slow,etc etc"
Her best suggestion came a little later. We were one lane freeway which stretched for 20 miles or so. We were behind a red Chevy SUV driving pretty slow ahead of us and all there was a long line of cars behind us. "Tailgate him, Salla ko hatoyoo.Make him move FASTER", she said. I looked towards my right to make sure it was my wife and not some "Pappu Pager" gangster sitting next to me.

 There comes a time in one's journey where one has to decide what road to choose as both the two choices offered, are not very appetizing. There is traffic snarling like a snake on both options . As it happens usually, I want to go with choice X and she thinks freeway Y will make us reach our destination sooner. So , I do what a mature and intelligent man would do. Do as the wife says and take the freeway Y. Then it happens, indeed freeway Y was better and has less traffic on it "See, I told you. You should always listen to me",she concluded as if she her decision had made us a millionaire. Whenever she turns out to be right which I admit happens most of the time, I am reminded again and again how profound she is with decision making.

 Once things got settled, I decided to listen to some songs. So I asked her,"Can you put some songs on i-phone?" She replied and I was dreading this," Ahh, I will sing for you". She does have a melodious voice and sings in rhythm, but is it wrong to like Sunidhi Chauhan or Mohit Chauhan more than her. So she sang ,one after the other," Thoda hai thoda ki zarrorat hai". ( exactly my sentiments) ,hosh walaon ko khabar kai bekhudi kya cheez hai from Sarfarosh and then sudden turn to 50’s with Aa dil mujha bata de tu kis per aa gaya hai. I was listening to All India Radio. And after every song there was a question,"How did I sing?". After half an hour she decided to take a break, I think she had ran out of songs.

 Destination reached,my back and leg were aching beside my head. Journeys like this and I realize how much I miss the Indian Railways. There are unnecessary halts and a three hour journey turning to four hour on the train.But even with those there are so many advantages being on the train. First one is the right foot and leg does not have to endure any brutality with the constant gas pressing, there is plenty of room to stand , sit, take a break from the wife and so many more . But one thing I think I would not be able to avoid even in the train is her singing. She is so uninhibited, she would not stop singing in the train. Thank god her voice is not that bad.